Being a nurse, I see death come more often than most. There are many patients whose lives I will touch and thankfully there are patients that touch my life as well. I have been fortunate to meet one such lady. She thanked me from the first day she entered my building to the last day she was there. Strong of heart and weak of body in her last days, she was and still is an angel.
It is funny in some way. Families and patients look at nurses and doctors as though we are fortune tellers. They want us to be able to tell them when that final day will be. It is sad to say we can never tell. I've seen patients actively participating in the recreation room one day and die the next. I have seen others long suffer for weeks without eating or drinking. Each person is completely different. It becomes a mantra for health care workers as people desire to know when the end will come. Families and patients understand this answer of how people are different. It makes sense. It is logical.
As this woman began to pass, the question of "when" began to come. Yet how she asked was completely different than any other. She would ask me if she was going home today. And though other patients that suffer from memory loss might ask the same question, she was aware of what she was asking me, thus referring to death as home. I at first responded with the mantra that everyone was different until I realized that this answer was not going to quite work with her. It was after a week I realized she wasn't asking about her condition. She didn't really want to know the day. She was looking for something more.
As the days past, our friendship grew. I did all the things nurses do and it is not important to list them. I got the same question from her daily as I made my last rounds and I knew from her smiling at me, that what I said was the response she desired. Was she going home today she would inquire. I would ask her if she was ready to go home. She would reply no. And so I would respond that I wouldn't let her go home yet til she was ready. She would tell me that that was good but just to make sure that when the day finally came to tell her so she didn't spend the time waiting around here. We would laugh at this daily. After a few weeks of time, all her family was able to show up together for one big day with her.
The next day she asked me the same question as always as I made my final rounds. I replied, asking her if she was ready. That day she told me yes. I smiled. She told me how she looked forward to finally going home now. As I walked out of work that day, I knew it would be soon. The following day, she had was no longer conscious. I cared for her all day and before I left, I whispered in her ear letting her know not to wait for me to come back tomorrow, that she can go home if she wanted to now.
That night she passed. It is hard to know what to say at this point. Death comes. But before it did for this kind woman, she touched one more heart.
Live on and enjoy your home. Thank you for your hospitality as you visited mine.
